


don't know what's wrong with me (but the temptation is stronger than me.)

by Anonymous



Series: i know what you fantasize about [1]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Fantasizing, M/M, Oma being Oma, Self-Loathing, Shuichi fantasizing, Wet Dream, because we die like men, internalized homophobia ????, not beta'ed, repression ????, sexual desires, sexual repression ?, sleepover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:28:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29863638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Shuichi goes to sleep with a troubled mind and wakes up guilty to a crime he never wanted to commit.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi, onesided since it is more of a sudden fantasy that comes out
Series: i know what you fantasize about [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2195583
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47
Collections: anonymous





	don't know what's wrong with me (but the temptation is stronger than me.)

The sleepover is the worst idea Shuichi has had in quite a while.

Initially, it wasn't a bad idea. There was simply a glaring oversight on his part, one that he hadn’t realized would become such a… _pressing_ issue. 

Mainly, the issue of sharing a space to change into sleepwear. It _should_ be nothing to worry about, a _totally_ **_normal thing_ ** that isn’t even worth _noting_. But locker rooms have always been an uncomfortable place for Shuichi, for a multitude of reasons— 

Yet he failed to foresee the danger of a sleepover, that he has essentially made his bedroom into a temporary locker room. Except in this case, _there is nowhere to run or hide_. There's no circumventing this, and no chance for him to really pull away in hopes of changing privately.

Now he is forced to think on the fly, and try to minimize any chance of any unwanted responses to this situation. He’s lucky that he gets priority to choose where he wants to change. It _is_ his room after all. Shuichi manages to find a little corner for himself, but it dawns on him that he’ll still have too much of a view of everyone else as well. He mentally forces himself not to gawk, not to let anyone know of his anxiety and filthy thoughts. Eyes were the windows to the soul after all. 

But with everyone spread out and getting ready for bed, there's not much he can do. The more he stalls for time the more attention he draws to himself, but he’ll do his best to keep his gaze steady on the navy blue of his walls. Already he wishes for it to pass, so he can squash his wandering attention.  
  
Kaito comes and gives him a random side hug, _thankfully still_ **_fully clothed_ **, but it does nothing to comfort him. It nearly sends him into a despairing insanity, as he becomes aware of the fact of how limited the space was and how it’s getting smaller and smaller with all the bodies. His head is clogged up with nonsensical things as he is hyper-aware of the guys in his room. It's an oversight that should have crossed his mind, but didn't, and now he was paying the consequences. 

This was the exact sort of reason why he never got close to people, _literally_. He was much too awkward, and if they knew what he knew then it would lead to an immediate ostracism. He always kept his distance and space, so he never had to explain why he was so hot under the collar and sweaty in their presence. 

Locker rooms were even worse, as they also provided him an opportunity to see more. The sort of more that would only continue to pollute his mind. As in, the idea of seeing bare skin and knowing actual body types gave him… _material_. 

His attraction to Amami and Kaito were the _absolute_ **_worst_** , so having them **both** in his room and happily changing did not give him confidence in himself. Of course, this isn’t to say that he had no self-control, but rather his _curiosity_ and _need_ to imagine scenarios backfires in this particular situation. Because instead of being able to use his talents to solve cases, now his subconscious can happily supply all kinds of unwanted fantasies about people that he finds attractive.

So he does his best to keep his cool and avoid looking. If he cannot see, then he won’t be able to take the next step. Really, he can keep himself preoccupied until they are done, right? The meek detective simply stares at a random dark corner of his room, ignoring the chatter and jokes that fill the room behind him— 

“Geez, does Keeboy even need a bed? He's a robot! Just put him on the floor next to the lamp!" Comes Oma's voice cutting through the chatter, loud and easy to pick out.

Kokichi is the last to bring his stuff into the room and his mind finally supplies a solution. Shuichi wants to nearly weep with joy. 

Oma was probably one of the few guys in his class that he was comfortable speaking to and being around. Even though he was probably the most problematic and confusing, he had a charm that would make people comfortable. Perhaps it was a skill developed for his talent, since even people who aren’t fond of him still divulge information to him that wouldn’t normally be given out to even friends? At least, not without prodding, but perhaps his true information gathering was through persistence rather than persuasion.

Still, he feels that perhaps he is a safe person to change next to. Shuichi couldn’t see himself getting overwhelmed by the small leader. He has always had a bit of discomfort around the other boys, as he is aware of how their physiques make him very… **_heated_ **. Yet he’s not had such an experience with Oma, thankfully.

The realization makes him pause and ponder, providing a very welcomed distraction from his uncomfortable situation.

Kokichi, being the delinquent that he is, often was sent to the counselor's office for refusing to participate during physical education. Said delinquent cited not wanting to be sweaty or the class was too boring as his reasons for not complying. Yet he has seen Kokichi run and climb and be active during breaks and for the sake of pranks. _Perhaps it more so had to do with authority being involved? An Ultimate Supreme Leader doesn't sound like the kind of student who would just simply comply with someone else's orders_.

Regardless, because of his unwillingness to join the class, Shuichi had never had to experience changing clothes beside him. And thus, has never even had an opportunity to be uncomfortable, aside from Oma's mind games.

It follows that he really didn’t know Kokichi’s actual stature, besides being thin and short. His sense of style and clothing always obscured his actual frame, as the oversized and altered uniform made it hard for him to actually discern anything.

Truly a mystery, Kokichi was surprisingly modest in comparison to his comments. 

At least, that is what Shuichi believes until his eyes catch the sight of him unintentionally.   
  
The detective truly is doing his best to avoid any unsavory actions, but he hadn’t expected to be thwarted by a mirror. His eyes are drawn to a blurry movement seen in his peripherals, and as soon as he focuses he realizes what he has caught— 

Kokichi’s reflection. Shuichi supposes he can’t be blamed for it, as he is still turned away from the danger zone behind him, but he fails to look away from what he sees.

The profile of Kokichi's body is Shuichi's _exact_ **_weakness_ **. Broad shoulders, small waist, wide hips, perfect v trailing down… 

The detective is quick to correct himself, reprimanding himself for his loss of focus. Instead, it only begins to make him **panic** even more.

It's already bad enough that he has so many attractive boys in his room undressing, but the one guy he thought was the _least_ threatening has suddenly revealed himself to be the **_stuff of wet dreams_ ** _._ He really fucked up this time, this was probably the worst thing to happen to him. 

Shuichi knows better than to stare, and he _doesn’t_ **_like_ ** _the pull he feels_ —

Shuichi _knows_ it’s absolutely **reprehensible** , _but the temptation is stronger than him_. He uses the mirror once again, to avoid blowing his cover and watches the Ultimate Supreme Leader bend over in his orange and yellow striped underwear.

Kokichi fills out those boxer-briefs amazingly, they fit perfectly over his plush thighs and rear. He can already hear Miu in his head labeling Kokichi as a 'thicc twink'. The prankster doesn’t seem to notice him at all, instead rummaging through his duffel bag to dig out something to wear.

It drives Shuichi insane, _How could he just get undressed without having his clothes already prepared? Was he really that ballsy?_ It makes the shy boy envious in a way, to have so much confidence to even sport some flashy boxers. As if the attention was wanted and needed, and he had no problem with soaking it all in.

The color reminds him of the underwear catalogs from department stores, the ones Shuichi would always take home to browse. 

Despite never purchasing any of the busy prints or outrageous styles, he would admire the models. He would pour hours and hours tracing over their stomach, their fit bodies and languid stances. All sexy smiles and broad shoulders— 

_Kokichi could probably be an underwear model if he wanted to._

Shuichi is quick to leave that train of thought, desperate to think about anything else but that.

Yet, it proves to be no avail, as his mind continues to supply the exact thoughts he doesn’t want to have. As if he cannot ignore his attraction and arousal, and it grows more and more cumbersome. 

Shuichi somehow manages to get changed, shyly getting his sleepwear on and clearing his mind of ridiculous thoughts. He was hosting the slumber party, so he couldn't waste any more time with this. To give it any more attention would only be giving it control over him.

“I suppose now would be a good time to start figuring out the sleeping arrangements.” Korekiyo suddenly informs, carefully combing his hair in what Shuichi can only assume is part of a bedtime routine. 

Ryoma surveys the room, quick to answer, “Well from what Shuichi’s uncle was saying, it seems like we don’t exactly have enough space for everyone, unfortunately." 

Amami shrugs, "It shouldn't be a big deal to try and divide up the floor space. Just prepare to get cozy with a buddy." 

His nonchalance comes off easily, and Shuichi is envious of the handsome man's attitude. He couldn't relate to that sort of unbothered persona, not when he wants to slowly unveil Rantaro's beautiful form and press his lips against any part of him that would accept it— 

Kaito's arm around him sends his face into a hellfire, "Hey sidekick! I bet we could share your bed, and it'll make it easier on everyone else space-wise too." 

"What, no way! Your fat ass can't even fit on the same bed as Shuichi!" Oma is quick to rebut, a sour expression on his face, "Besides, if anyone should get a bed it's me! Do you think I would stoop so low as to sleep on the hard floor?" 

He internally screams as the potential catalog boy decides that yes, _sleeping right next to Shuichi is fine,_ **_nothing_ ** _could_ **_possibly_ ** _go wrong._

“You’re such a child… but I suppose the idea isn’t a terrible one.” Rantaro muses aloud, that deep voice already making Shuichi swoon, “I would imagine splitting a bed with someone as small as Oma wouldn’t be terrible. And it frees up space on the floor for everyone else.”  
  
Oma almost looks offended, “Waaah, big bro Amami-chan doesn’t love me! He thinks I’m just a waste of space!”   
  
Shuichi knows it is an overdramatic charade, but still, he can’t help but try to reason with the liar, “H-He didn’t say anything of that sort Oma. But if you want, you can try to split the bed with Kaito, and I’ll take the floor.”

Both boys immediately protest— 

“Nuh uh! I already told you, Momota is too fat to fit on the bed! He’ll break it all on his own!”  
  
Kaito is quick to react, leaving Shuichi’s side in favor of trying to intimidate the tiny menace, “What do you mean _I’ll_ break it?! You’ll probably do something like jump on it like a maniac and break it all on your own!”

Shuichi almost wants to sigh in relief as he can finally feel his face begin to cool down.  
  
“Lies. Even if I did do that the mattress would be just fine. Unlike you, I actually keep myself in good-shape!”   
  
Rantaro sighs, sending an apologetic glance at Shuichi, “They’re a real handful, huh?”   
  
Shuichi can only nod, trying to ignore the fact that both of them seem to insist that _he share his bed with them_ , shuddering at the misunderstanding that he wants to accept.

“Anyone else want to get in on this?” Amami casually opens to the rest of the guys, only to find them setting up the futons.   
  
“No need to worry about our accommodations. Unlike those buffoons, we can handle ourselves properly.” Korekiyo replies, easily braiding his long hair on his futon.   
  
“Alrighty.” Rantaro begins, returning his gaze to the idiots in question. “Let’s just end this with a game of rock-paper scissors, alright? Best out of three gets a chance at Shuichi and his bed.”   
  
“Ww-ha?”   
  
“Don’t worry sidekick, I’ll end this quick!” Kaito proudly proclaims   
  


Oma slinks next to Shuichi, grabbing onto his arm suddenly and making the unsuspecting man almost die, “Get ready to end up a loser!”  
  
Rantaro mediates once more, and after a pathetic battle of rock-paper-scissors, the winner and loser is decided. “Looks like Oma and Shuichi get the mattress and everyone else takes the floor.”

It was a shame that wishful thinking was all the detective can do in this situation, as he tries to still his quivering heart. In all honesty, he should have isolated himself from the rest. Perhaps if he hadn’t been so caught up in the rush of his reactions then he would have been able to avoid this outcome. Alas, the remainder of his night is spent in his head, thinking and overthinking everything he says or does. It’s an absolute torture, keeping his mind on the straight and narrow while putting up the facade of being present. 

Thankfully the extroverts of the group take control of the situation, happily settling into the room and dominating the conversation. But all Shuichi can think about is how everyone’s sleeping clothes reflect some subtleties about them, while at the same time only continue to rev Shuichi’s engine. He hates how much he likes to admire his male peers, taking in the loose clothes and interesting styles. He’s never had a sleepover before, and his mind cannot keep totally platonic thoughts regarding the matter. His abdomen is suddenly tight with interest, and he tries to focus on words, on the conversation that is happening before him. 

Yet those voices sound so far away, semi-muted laughter and jeers are all he can make out as his face feels like it is on fire. It becomes increasingly clear that he has to end the night, that he cannot handle such a situation.   
  
Suddenly, golden eyes meet lilac, and his heart feels like it is about to leap out of his chest— 

Kokichi has a devious smirk, one that makes Shuichi swallow hard as he also follows the trail of his neck to that luscious collar bone, "I say we have a pillow fight! Winner gets to—" 

Shuichi is quick to respond, his mind already malfunctioning at the idea of a pillow fight with attractive men in his bedroom, "No pillow fights." 

Before anyone else can get a word in, Shuichi hits the panic button, “We should really go to sleep. It’s getting late, and I don’t want to disturb my—”

Kokichi takes over, already whining and throwing himself dramatically onto his actual bed, "Aww man! You're such a buzzkill Shumai! Why can't you just live a little?" 

Shuichi violently fights off the flaring heat that washes over his face, although he _knows_ he's blushing to hell and back, the _least_ he can do is keep his voice even, "It's really not my fault, my uncle has work early tomorrow, and we can't be disruptive."

Oma makes no move to get up from off his bed, his dark hair splayed beautifully across the light blue pillow case. Shuichi never realized how long his hair was. He should have figured though, Oma’s hairstyle does frame his face nicely.

He smothers the thought, if the idea lives any longer than it would spell his demise. Thankfully, he is able to distract himself— 

“I suppose he is right.” Korekiyo comments, easily pulling out an eye mask and assumably preparing for bed. The others seem to do the same, softening their voices as they wind down for the night. Though Shuichi’s only concern is that Oma has yet to agree.  
  


The menace still makes no move, and paranoia begins to gnaw at Shuichi’s mind, convincing him that _Oma knows something. Did he catch his staring from earlier? Or was it something else that gave him away?_   
  
“Fiiiine. I guess I should get some rest, Supreme Leaders have to get enough sleep to carry out their evil plans after all!”

He’s almost surprised at how easily Oma has agreed, but wonders why he looks wide awake. Maybe his alertness was a lie? Still, it doesn’t settle well with him. Kokichi has shifted, easily claiming the wall as he faces away from Shuichi. He can’t see his face or his expression at all, and thus has nothing to go off of, and the blankets obscure his form.

Suddenly at the realization of having to get into bed with Oma, his heart stops.

His abdomen twists with something _terrifying_ , and he almost reels back in horror at the reaction. He had to get **control** of himself, had to understand this couldn’t happen, _especially_ not now.

Yet his eyes catch sight of the small of his back, that pale flesh beckoning his thoughts back into that realm. The fact that Oma's shirt has creeped up that far is concerning, considering that he knew the night would be chilly if the forecast was accurate. Just that expanse of skin was enough of a tease to have Shuichi wondering— 

_If he touched Oma there, would he be able to feel his desire without words? Be able to see into his heart about the affliction that haunted him so? It would be so obvious, how would he not know at that point?_

Already he can feel his hands trembling, as something bittersweet blooms into his chest. He really was fucked up, wasn’t he? That something as simple as a sleepover was ruining him. This was like a poison in his mind, dripping into every facet of his thoughts as tainting them with something as absurd as this. Still, he cannot falter any longer.   
  
He slips into bed, careful not to bring any unnecessary attention to himself.

The silence that settles over the room isn’t the usual, but as time passes it becomes filled with the snores of his sleeping peers.

Shuichi can’t help but feel hyper-aware of the body next to him. Which shouldn’t be the case because Rantaro’s earlier rationale should hold, Kokichi is small and there should be enough space for the both of them. There isn’t any contact between them, but the way the mattress dips and the soft breath behind him is _unnerving_ , to say the least. 

Thankfully it isn’t reaching him and rolling across his skin, but Shuichi is still incredibly stiff, in hopes that he won’t move at all in the night. Already it’s hard enough not to think about his body and pretty mouth, but it would be worse if he ends up cuddling the petite Supreme Leader unknowingly.   
_  
_ _Mostly because he’s worried about embarrassing himself._

Already he can feel his face burn at the memory of the times when he _did_ grind against a pillow and have a wet dream to completion. And that he isn't aware of the fact until the next morning. Following that line of logic, to make Oma an unwilling accessory to his unconscious sexual needs would be utterly mortifying. He could never live down the shame, much less ever hope to be seen as someone trustworthy by his peers. At that point, he'd much rather fade into nothingness, hoping that they will forget the transgression and his existence altogether.

Anxiety fills his mind as he desperately tries to think of nothing. Unfortunately this is the situation he is in and there isn’t much he can do, so he’ll pray for the best and simply surrender himself to fatigue. He doesn’t know why this keeps happening or what exactly is wrong with him. Shuichi should know better, yet he keeps falling into the same patterns of temptation. If only he knew how to get away from this spiral of madness.

As much as he wishes he was stronger, he could only hope for the night to pass without any more trouble.

***

Shuichi wakes up incredibly early the next morning, and to his absolute horror he finds himself _sticky_ and **_uncomfortable_ **.

Even worse, _he remembers the contents of his dream_ . Though if he were honest, Shuichi would categorize them as **_nightmares_ **, as beautiful as they were. It immediately sends him into a guilty spiral, as he curls away from his neighbor and ignores any kind of arousal bubbling up again. His mind unhelpfully supplies potential images and thoughts of ravishment, that leave his very soul aching for some sort of reprieve. Flashes of soft lips and hot skin that end in a flurry of gasps and stickiness are what try to overtake Shuichi's mind. 

It takes him a moment to find the resolve to remain indifferent, especially as he is required to do it soundlessly to prevent waking any of the guys. 

His only thought— 

_Get rid of the evidence._

Shuichi is able to finesse his way to his nightstand and pick up the set of clothes he left to change into, quietly slipping into the restroom to clean himself of his embarrassment. He grimaces as he is forced to peel his boxers from his skin, the experience is crusty and uncomfortable. He almost wants to cry at the sight of it, too aware of his depravity. 

_Really, why did his subconscious love to cling to using people he knew in real life as sexual material?_ Even if he found them attractive, he never takes that next step. It's not something his waking mind willingly entertains, as they only appear to him in dreams. Here he had thought it would have ended with Kaito, but now he just ruined Kokichi as well.

Perhaps the mystery was something he could only solve through some sort of therapy.

_For now, he had to salvage what little image he had._

The detective returns to the room, already trying to figure out the best course of action. The evidence is mostly his pajamas and underwear, but there could be something he missed on his bed. He takes the blanket off of the bed, mechanically as his sleep-deprived brain goes on auto-pilot.

Next, he has to change the sheets. They don’t seem wet, but he figures it was better to be safe than sorry. So, he begins to change his bed, doing his best to avoid waking the menace from his sleep. 

Unfortunately, critical thinking is not his strong suit just minutes after waking, and he fails to realize the problem with removing the linens. With one strong movement, he unintentionally makes Kokichi roll as the flat sheet comes out under him, his heart stopping as he hears a soft groan come from the bed. 

Shuichi balls up the sheet to his chest, the fear makes him wide awake, and he’s utterly helpless, as he’s brought on the wrath of the Supreme Leader onto himself. Yes, he is already mentally berating himself for _not thinking this through_ , and so he is now forced to deal with the object of his immediate problems.

Kokichi frowns as it takes him a moment to regain his bearings. A yawn follows, and he rubs his eyes to chase away his lingering fatigue as he speaks softly— 

" _Why are you up so goddamn early_?" he quietly accuses, clearly upset from the rude awakening. 

He’s collapsing at being accused, already trying to stave off his need to confess his sins to his unwitting victim. Though he knows better, as it would only cause unnecessary discomfort for both of them. Still, he’s barely able to keep his eyes from welling with tears.

"S-sorry! I didn't mean to wake you up." He grinds out, trying to stay quiet as he barely holds it together.

Kokichi’s eyes seem to collect information, of the sheets in his hand, the new pants he’s wearing, and the piecing together is almost instant— 

"You're **so** _gross_." The young man spits out, and shame fills Shuichi to his core.

The detective is absolutely **_mortified_ **, unable to stop his skin burning from being found out. He isn’t even sure if he has the words to explain or defend himself. Shuichi wants to go crawl under a rock and wake up in ten years with all of this behind him.

Still, he has to try to say _something_ , so it quickly tumbles out, " _Ah_ , _I'm sorry_!" 

It’s a tense reprimand, how Kokichi holds him accountable. The Supreme Leader _clearly_ **_knows_** , and he _isn’t_ going to let Shuichi get away with it. He hadn’t realized Kokichi would be someone to persecute him so wickedly, then again, his crime _was_ unforgivable. And it dawns on him, _Kokichi sharing his bed must make this personal as well._ The immediate despair seems to just be piling up, and he so desperately wishes he could just turn back time and never hold the sleepover to begin with!  
  
His vision blurs, and he doesn’t know what else to do. _His uncle will be so_ ** _disappointed_** _when he finds out—_

"What kind of **_monster_ ** gets up at 7am on a weekend _anyways_ ? You're _such_ a creature of habit that it's downright **_disgusting_ **." 

The despair lifts for just a moment, enough for him to see Kokichi sticking his tongue out at him. And just in the blink of an eye, it’s gone. No more disgust and retribution, just sleepiness. Almost as if he had imagined it all by himself.

So, he tries to be rational— _Kokichi was sound asleep when everyone went to bed. He didn’t even stir when I removed the blankets. It seemed like he was in a deep sleep, so really, he might not even be aware of anything indecent happening. Besides, Kokichi would be the type to give anyone a hard time for disturbing his sleep._

It’s a weak argument, but one he clings to, for his own sanity. Kokichi dropping the subject might be a small mercy he is allowing him, and clearly he should be following Kokichi’s lead— 

"Oh! Right, I'm sorry…" Shuichi doesn’t know if to trust this, but he needed to _try_ to act normal again, "You can go back to sleep if you want, I'll get out of your way…" 

He clears his throat, clearing any last need to cry away.

The leader's voice still sounds groggy, but with an airiness that sends a shiver down Shuichi’s spine, "You already ruined it for me, so you better make it up." 

It’s heavy, almost like a threat… but not. Kokichi Oma never speaks directly, so Shuichi can only wonder what he really means. Although he is better than most at reading between the lines when it came to the Ultimate Supreme Leader, he isn’t anywhere close to being fluent.  
  
And somehow, a little tiny part of him thinks that perhaps this is a sign of something… _more_.

Still, the undefined meaning fucks him up inside. Every possibility only leads to more suffering on his end, so he refuses to ponder on it any further.

The detective in training doesn’t dare meet his eyes, not wanting to reveal anything more to Kokichi. It was bad enough that he may or may not have been found out, but he would hate himself even _more_ if Oma found out through an unintentional admission. He internally promises to make it up, but Shuichi needed time to recover before he could even look at him again.

He is suddenly enveloped from behind; The tall stature and warm body immediately tell him it’s Kaito. It’s just a Kaito kind of hug, one he’s gotten many times before. Still, it’s one that he looks forward to, as it makes him feel safe. And in this case, _forgiven_ even, because that’s just in Kaito’s nature. He can’t help but smile at the affection, something he craves right now after the interrogation with the Evil Supreme Leader. 

Shuichi figures this will be his guilt to bear, and whether Kokichi knows anything or not would not change that. 

_He simply hopes that perhaps Oma could forget the whole thing._

**Author's Note:**

> tell me i am funny. finished this a year after the original was posted. hahahahahaahaha


End file.
